The Bluebell Abbey Guide to Being British: Royal Weddings
Posted on May 14 2018
Traditionally, Great Britain enjoys a touch of rivalry – between north and south, between neighbouring cities, and of course between the countries that make up the United Kingdom, but one thing brings us all closer together - a royal wedding.
More than the pleasure we get from talking about bad weather, or our whole-hearted belief in the magical healing powers of a cup of tea, a royal wedding unites the nation; whether by indulging our deep-seated desire to sleep rough in a doorway just to catch a five-second glimpse of the royal carriage as it passes by, or invest heavily in collectible bone-china plates and commemorative tea towels, particularly if it creates a public holiday.
Unlike most nuptials however, a royal wedding isn’t organised by a heavily overtaxed bride, whilst the groom spends every night locked in secret prayer that his future father-in-law owns a chequebook. Instead, this great responsibility falls to The Lord Chamberlain's Office of Buckingham Palace - an organisation that must take the standard wedding trauma over who sits next to whom, and factor in who’s invaded, embargoed, or globally embarrassed whom lately. This makes who is invited, or, most importantly, not invited, a true litmus test as to whom the international community likes and whom they secretly thinks is potty-mouthed or a raging dictator.
As a Royal Wedding approaches the excitement across Britain quickly builds to a fever pitch, with every aspect of the proceedings discussed, questioned and second-guessed at length by the nation – from whether the Spice Girls are really going to perform, and if so, can they be stopped, to whether the bride will give a speech, and what will Britain’s other royalty, Posh and Becks, wear to the ceremony. Even the wedding cake comes with an additional layer of subtext, with soul-searching questions asked about what the choice of lemon drizzle might mean for Global Britain. However, it’s the dress itself that creates the most frantic speculation, with every piece of gossip, no matter how small, seized on like a wounded deer to a pack of hungry wolves, with men across the land expressing a never-before vocalised opinion on bridal fashion.
Yes, we may grumble about the Royal Family, and as a system of government they descend directly from the person with the most active axe. And they may own palaces scattered willy-nilly across the country, whilst the rest of us make do with a two-bedroom semi. Or, if you live in London, a picture of a two bedroom semi. But a royal wedding provides an unbeatable chance to witness centuries of British tradition in action, and, if we are particularly lucky, Pippa Middleton’s bottom.
The only thing more emotional to the country than a royal wedding is a royal baby. Combine the two in less than a month and Britain may never again stop smiling.